Look at me!

Why won’t you look at me?

Please look this way.

For years I have tried to get your attention.

You get close enough, but never really to look and notice.

Notice that I am here.

I have tried everything.

Nearly.

I have been aggressive, in your face.

So close I can feel the warmth of your breath. Smell your scent.

Your face in my hands, I have begged you

Commanded you, ordered you, insisting that you acknowledge me and who I am.

Who am I to you?

I know who I am. But a part of me can only be if you acknowledge my presence.

I have been clever, spinning in and out of your line of sight.

But there is always something else,

somewhere else that has your attention.

Just over my shoulder. Past the table and the morning cup of coffee.

Ignoring the conversation we might have

Or the creativity we might share.

I can live without it.

But I do long for your gaze.

Once or twice I felt your eyes on me, fleeting moments

Exhilarating like a falling star shooting across the night sky

Only visible as it finishes its course and vanishes

There is some comfort in the knowledge that you see me on the edges of your screen.

I can stay there if that is where you need me

Where you want me.

I would like to be more to you.

Or know that I am more to you.

Tell me what you need.

Tell me what you want.

Everything I do which is hidden to you,

Those things I do because I love you,

And because your life is worth more to me than mine

Can stay cloaked behind silence and we need never talk about them.

But please look at me.

Speak to me with your deep brown eyes.

The absence of words is not itself unlovely

But a glance would change my world.

I am right here.

Look at me.

Jim Beise

5 fev 2007  Paris